Collaborative Divorce is not magic.
Collaborative Divorce is not a faith based process.
With the greatest of respect to all organized religions, Collaborative Divorce is not a religious movement.
Why make these statements? Because I'm not completely certain that collaborative professionals and their clients understand this completely.
Collaborative Divorce requires commitment, and honesty, and openness, and it also requires an understanding that it can and often does fail.
And I make these statements not to weaken the process - but to strengthen it. Because as professionals or as clients, we need to understand that the process itself will not succeed without our effort and our attention. Too often, I fear, clients and professionals enter the process believing that if they just spend enough time and talk enough, answers and solutions will magically appear and an agreement will fall down from the heavens onto the table between them.
Sorry to burst your bubble - but it won't.
So.
Then.
We endure meeting after meeting - talking about interests and concerns, and the fees increase higher and higher, and before you know it - the dynamic in the room seriously changes.
Because now there is suddenly a big gun to the head of the participants - in the form of tens of thousands of dollars in fees having been spent that, if the process is abandoned, will largely be wasted.
And if you're not paying attention, this creates leverage. It creates the ability of one party - particularly if the costs haven't been shared, to use the leverage of wasted money to exert pressure for the other party to accommodate their "interests" disproportionately.
And we, as Collaborative Lawyers, do ourselves, our clients, and the collaborative process a great disservice if we don't recognize and work towards responding to this problem.
How?
Well, firstly, by making the process efficient and productive.
Assure your clients are doing the work required to provide information and disclosure in a timely fashion. And if they are delaying or appear to be less than open and candid, having an honest conversation about your ability to withdraw from the process if they aren't showing a real commitment.
Assure you have candid and honest conversations with your fellow counsel if you feel THEIR client is doing the same - again, discussing with your own client that sometimes, ending the process is preferable to allowing it to be abused.
Assure that financial and child experts are likewise being used efficiently and properly.
I recently encountered a file where disproportionate time and expense was incurred to educate the less knowledgeable party regarding finances - only to have yet another expert hired to "explain the explanation". More fees, more delay - and no movement towards resolution.
The collaborative process is, indeed, a process which continues to serve the needs of thousands of parties in conflict - however, it is also showing it's cracks - and it is up to all of us who value the process to recognize those cracks and to apply our effort to repair them.
Or you could just cross your fingers and throw salt over your left shoulder.
