Getting Divorced? Put your Children's Welfare First

Future Binge-Drinkers?

Would you like your child to be a binge drinker?

Would you like them to grow up with mental illness?

Would you like your children to grow up with an increased likelihood of relationship difficulties.. perhaps similar to those you are currently encountering with your spouse or partner.

If so - then be sure to allow your hurt, your pain, and your anger to turn your divorce into a lengthy, ongoing battle.

In today's Huffington Post, Dr. Eva M. Selhub exhorts parents to "Be Mindful of the Children" in divorce.

As Dr. Selhub points out:

While the parents in the divorce grapple with feelings of anger, worry, fear and confusion, the children usually experience even more fear and confusion. Often parents turn to their children for comfort, sometimes use them as pawns in the divorce war, and sometimes are blinded by their anger and fear to the impact their actions may have on the children in that moment or in the future. In the meantime, the children, unlike the adults, not having the capacity to understand what is happening, become increasingly confused and unsure of what their involvement needs to be to either bring the parents together, to "make things better" or to side with one side or the other.


Studies show that children whose parents divorce or separate before they are 5 are more likely to develop binge drinking behaviors by the time they reach their teen years versus parents who stay together or show high levels of parental warmth. The problems are not limited to drinking behaviors. Children can become more vulnerable to both physical and mental illness at the time of divorce and may develop problems with self-esteem, other behavioral problems or issues at school, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships.

However - experience shows that to the extent that parents can avoid using their children as supports in the divorce, to the extent that parents can set aside their personal differences in encouraging the children to have a healthy relationship with both parents, to the extent that parents can, well, be the "ADULTS" in the home, providing their children with warmth, love and security - that can mitigate many of the negative impacts that Divorce may have on their children.

So.

If you are very angry or hurt and feel the urge to demonstrate that, directly and indirectly to your children - by all means go ahead and do that, provided that your goal is to have your children grow up to be scarred and damaged.

If not - you might consider being mindful of your children, and making all effort possible to avoid allowing your divorce to become a lengthy war.