Divorcing? Take Care of YOU First

Well.

Sadly, the New Year brings an influx of new clients to this Divorce lawyer's office..  presumably, people who either did not want to break up during the Christmas season, or, perhaps, who entered the New Year committed not to be in an unhappy situation this time next year.

But whatever the reason, Divorce is never easy.  It is an emotionally draining and traumatic experience for most couples going through it.

Yet, while we intuitively know this, many clients and in fact many lawyers, ignore the need to treat their emotional injuries resulting from divorce.. often to very unfortunate results.

This past year, a very decent individual who was a client of mine clearly could not provide me with the instructions necessary to serve his best interests.  Literally tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees, primarily, in my opinion, a result of seeking to redress the pain and trauma relating to the change in the relationship between him and his wife post-divorce.  When he demanded that I bring yet another in a long list of applications - which I felt would simply increase my fees, but fail to move him towards resolution - I finally ceased to act. 

I often tell my clients, collaborative and otherwise, I am the taxi driver in this relationship.  I will tell you my advice regarding which route is shortest or quickest, I might recommend that certain stops along the way be made or not made.. but ultimately, I take instructions from the client.  It is their life, their assets, their children... not mine.  And as such, they have to give me instructions.

And if the client is emotionally damaged, and is either overly aggressive or excessively passive, they are not able to fully participate in the process to the best of their ability.

As such, my clients are advised to obtain counselling.

And, fortunately, in the collaborative process, we have the option of using "coaches" for the parties to assist them in being effective in the process and to counteract some of the emotional baggage that often drags down a divorce.

So.

Even if you feel like it is YOUR SPOUSE who needs a counsellor.. or perhaps ESPECIALLY if you think your spouse needs a counsellor, get yourself some counselling through the divorce process.  It will help your lawyer, and will therefore help yourself obtain an optimal result, often to significantly less expense.