Choose your process FIRST. And your lawyer second.

Well.

Aren't I important. 

I'm a divorce lawyer.  I have a law degree from the University of British Columbia, I have 26 years experience as a family law specialist, I've run scores of trials and appeals in Lethbridge, in Calgary, in Medicine Hat.  All over Alberta, really.

Pretty impressive, huh?

But here's a bit of advice.  The most important person in determining how your divorce is going to work out isn't your lawyer.  It isn't some Judge. 

It's you.

The key to a reasonable resolution of your divorce is YOU.

Now, in fairness, it's actually you and your former spouse or partner, but you can't control your partner (newsflash for some clients), you can only control you.  And the greatest predictor for how difficult your divorce is going to be is how YOU establish your mindset going into the process.

Ask yourself some fundamental questions:

a) What do I want, really?

Do you want to spend the next year or two of your life in and out of the capricious and unpredictable court system?

Do you want your children to grow up angry and unhappy, with life-long scars of watching their parents battle for the whole of their childhood?

Do you want what property you have worked hard to acquire to be, eventually, split between lawyers, instead of being used to save for your retirement or to assist your children in University?

Or.

Do I want to get through this process with as little collateral damage as possible?

Do I want to maximize my ability to effectively parent in a world where being a parent is already hard enough?

Do I want to get through a painful period of my life in a respectful, thoughtful way, moving forward as quickly as reasonable possible, moving from storm into sunshine?

b) What is the best process choice to obtain the outcome I want?

If you haven't guessed it, while as a litigation lawyer, I make a good living going to court, I have a preference for encouraging clients to find solutions, not confrontation.

So - if you truly believe that a negotiated resolution (which means you can't have everything you want) is your best option - well, then, consider your options to find that resolution.

Court?

Arbitration?

Mediation?

Collaborative Law?

Spend a little time online, research your alternatives, and then decide how YOU want to proceed.  Take control of the process - to the extent possible being only one half of the process.

And then, only then, choose the person to help guide you through that - your lawyer.

The bottom-line message, which I have borrowed from Lori B. Kikuchi, a business consultant in North Carolina, who has a very interesting website: Quitethesite.com.

She supports Collaborative Law, and the closing line of her October 3 blog is priceless:

Choose your Divorce Process First - Your Divorce Attorney Second