Collaborative Lawyers - Don't Half-Ass It

I had a very interesting experience yesterday.

I had a new client come see me, and as I explained his process options, starting with mediation and then moving on to tell him about "Collaborative" Divorce..  and he immediately shook his head and said, "I want no part of that.. that's not for me."

Now.

Think about that for just a second.

Here is a guy who is going through divorce, who has never been divorced before, and right out of the gate, his take on Collaborative Divorce is that it's not for him.  And he is adamant.

So.

Being a curious sort, and having learned that lawyers often assist their clients more by listening than talking, I asked him to tell me about his feelings about Collaborative Divorce.

And so, he goes on to explain to me that he has a friend who recently tried Collaborative Divorce, and who spent a lot of money and ended up having to hire a new lawyer and start over again.

And here's the interesting part.

I'm acting for his friend.

I'm the "second choice" lawyer after a failed Collaborative effort.

And as such, I have some insight into:

a) Why Client 1 was unhappy with the Collaborative process; and 

b)  How that impacted Client 2 to seek to avoid Collaborative divorce at all costs.

The bottom line is that, with all respect, the two previous Collaborative lawyers failed to understand and appreciate the need to shift from a litigation paradigm to a collaborative paradigm.

The lawyer for my client made the error of packaging up a "birthday present offer" - you know, more than the wife would ever get at trial, all wrapped up in a nice little bow.  And, of course, the Wife assumed the Husband was trying to take advantage and immediately demanded more.  Which then upset the Husband, as you might expect - and then the process basically fell apart, without any real effort to walk the parties through the factual issues to create a foundation for discussion.

And so, not only do the clients end up starting over to a great extent, but, clearly, their impressions of the Collaborative process are very negative, and, as demonstrated, at least one person they have communicated their disappointment with has formed a very negative opinion - and if we think he is the only one they have "infected", we are dreaming.

So.

Think about that, fellow Collaborative lawyers.

The job you do not only impacts on your client, but it impacts on your reputation, and the reputation of the Collaborative process as a whole.

Don't half-ass it.

Don't let your client's push you to positional bargaining positions, and if the other client does that - hold the reigns on your own client and go back to the start.  Build a factual foundation that allows you to enter into reasonable discussion about resolution alternatives...  and maybe, during a post-meeting debriefing session, discuss the problem with your fellow lawyer.

Walk the walk.

Protect the "Collaborative" brand.

It's worth it.